Stand for Something
This week I was hearing this message loud and clear from some of my mentors in different forms, so I decided to share my “country music” version with you today. In learning what our passion or “purpose” is that so many of us long to find, we unfortunately tend to over think it and continue to find ourselves frustrated about what that “thing” is, and when we don’t find it we’re frustrated until the next time we go on our “life purpose” hunt.
Think about it a little differently this time. Think about it from the inside out for a moment. Think about it, we are usually looking for so many of our answers outside of ourselves, but more often than not the answers are within us. I’m not trying to be cheesy here, I recently learned this lesson after fighting it for so long, and I want you to learn it quicker than I did. Just hang with me for a second.
Okay okay, I know, you don’t know what your answers are that’s why you’re looking outside yourself to get ideas. Unfortunately, the answers that we can get from the outside are “HOW” things. How to do this, how to do that, education or knowledge that we don’t have. But our “WHY” before we even begin to look at the “HOW” needs to come from within us. No one can give us our “WHY”.
Let me give an example. Instead of asking yourself what you’re passionate about, ask yourself what matters to you and/or what your values are. Passion is such a loaded word and can be such overkill sometimes. It’s associated with highly emotionally or sexually charged situations, circumstances and events and sometimes we just don’t have that fire inside of us on a daily basis so we think we’re missing something we need to go look for. That’s really not the goal. Guess what, you don’t have to find that “passion” you can start with what matters to you and build from there.
You innately know what matters or is important to you whether that’s the environment, animals, freedom, education, appreciation, health, simplicity, organization, belonging, compassion, forgiveness, etc. You get the picture. I’ll give a personal example, unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) for me freedom matters to me more than fitness and it shows. (ok, yes I’m sensitive about my weight right now, but I’m working on that) but in all seriousness, I can get completely lost in creating personal and financial freedom for myself and my passion to help you do the same, but when it comes to some other areas they are slacking. That’s the way it goes, we’re not superhuman, which is why it is so important to have so many people in the world with various passions/aka values so we can learn from each other, grow and evolve together throughout our journeys.
Okay, next argument I hear. “Well, so and so already is passionate about that topic, they do it better than I do”, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well, I believed that for a long time too, but then when people repeatedly told me there wasn’t a Laurie Knight version of it yet, that resonated with me. So much of my message is about being authentic, that immediately I knew I needed to walk my talk and put my authentic version of my “why” out there even though it overlapped with what some other people are doing. It’s amazing once I took on that perspective, I no longer viewed people as competition, but more as partners with similar passions. Wow… talk about a-ha moment.
Okay, so watch the video and begin to jot down the things that you value. Jot down the things that you stand for and document circumstances where you would consistently respond the same way. You’ll begin to find some answers and slowly but surely you’ll start to connect with that knowing part of yourself.
In this day of information overload, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we don’t have our own answers and that everyone knows how to do it better than we do. In certain cases that may be true. This isn’t about being oblivious and lying to yourself that you know everything there is to know, it’s about being authentic and tapping into that part of you that does know you too have something to contribute to the world.
So, what do you stand for? Would love to see your own list or comments!
Are you Present?
This weekend I was reading the book “Awaken the Genie Within” by Linda Salzar. Her book is really clear in regards to how we can learn to slow down and tap into our inner wisdom, improve our relationships and connect spiritually at a deeper level. These are topics I’m very passionate about sharing with you. I’ll be interviewing her for the authenticity series coming up so stay tuned, but wanted to mention one part of her book here today in a quick message to you now. She talks about recognizing how we operate in conversations with other people. Are you really present in the moment listening and absorbing what people are saying or are you just waiting for your turn to talk or defend yourself if you’re getting feedback. Or are you so preoccupied you’re missing moments with people in your life?
Before I ever started to explore these concepts professionally in my own life, I knew this was something I needed to resolve with one of my best friends. I remember one time in our 20s, my friend was struggling more and more being present in the current moment. I would come to town and we would talk about when we were going to meet and what we were going to do, we’d set the time and I looked forward to it. I could always sense she was distracted and not really present during our time together. I remember after noticing it on several occasions I finally said to her, “you’re not with me anymore, what’s going on”.
She wasn’t defensive at all and almost appeared relieved to not have to put up the façade anymore. She simply said “you’re right I’m distracted” and she started to come alive. She began to talk more authentically and deep about her personal struggles in her marriage and her life trying to please everyone. She said “I’m tired”. I supported her and we had one of the best conversations we had had in a long time. She discussed with me how she wanted to be more engaged but didn’t know how due to overwhelm. We looked at her schedule and eliminated the “shoulds” for the time being and agreed she wouldn’t spend time with people or do things for people unless she absolutely wanted to. After our discussion that day our relationship has been different ever since. She has never been more present and engaged in our relationship and I would assume it’s that way with everyone else she is connected with as well. She mentioned to me had I not brought it to her attention she may not have gone out of her way to fix it and likely would have continued to ruminate in her head. Sometimes our head is a scary place to hang out!
Work on being in the moment every chance you get, and communicate your feelings to those in your life in the moment rather than hanging on to whatever it is you may be hanging on to. It may be your very opportunity to get closer. Don’t do things out of obligation it will rob you of your spirit and energy. Life is short, have a blast and speak up!
Have a point of view
Not too long ago, I was watching the movie The Ugly Truth. Parts of it were just okay, yet other parts were quite refreshing to be honest. The story is about a young woman who is a TV producer and she is in charge of a show that’s slowly but surely losing ratings and is at risk for being removed from the network. Her boss introduces the idea of bringing in this hot shot male reporter guy who is quite opinionated, sarcastic, and brash, which the boss thought would be sure to raise the ratings even if it raised a few eyebrows from the viewers.
The young producer struggled to see the significance of this and fought the addition of this guy thinking it would be too much for the audience, yet she was forced to go out of her comfort zone and consider that something separate from what they had been doing could potentially be entertaining. When she had the conversation with her boss about how this could even possibly be seen as a positive he responded with “at least he has a point of view”. She was offended by this, and ultimately changed her tune by the end of the movie (of course… he was hot… hello). I could go on about the nuances of the movie, but what struck me was when the boss emphasized the importance of a point of view.
I encourage you to consider what this might mean for you. People will often say they don’t speak up in an effort to keep the peace or to please those around them. Yet, who is that really serving? I’m not suggesting you create drama or offend folks, however I do think there is something to be said for expressing your thoughts and feelings authentically in an effort to be at peace internally and to provide benefit to those around you. When you speak up it makes people around you think. This is what makes exchanges more interesting and effective.
You have a mind and a voice so use them. If you think something is wrong speak up. If you think something could be better do something about it. If you like something, let people know. Don’t just be a bystander in life, neutral in your environment or just go with the flow. Figure out where you stand on things and have healthy discussions with those around you and make this a habit in your life.
This is how change occurs. This is how confidence is built. This is how your voice is found. This does not involve brash, rude or those so called brutally honest remarks that are in most cases absolutely unnecessary. These choices will likely drive people further from you. One must be open to learning from the experience of speaking up and being able to take feedback appropriately as well. This is information that helps us to discover more quickly who it is we are supposed to be and to be in a position to better establish our values. It’s amazing when thoughts are just in your head they don’t have the same impact as when they come out of your mouth. They are safe in your head. Be brave and speak up!
What’s your point of view? Feel free to leave a comment on this post and practice it here! Anything you have a point of view about…. let er rip!
