Have a point of view
Not too long ago, I was watching the movie The Ugly Truth. Parts of it were just okay, yet other parts were quite refreshing to be honest. The story is about a young woman who is a TV producer and she is in charge of a show that’s slowly but surely losing ratings and is at risk for being removed from the network. Her boss introduces the idea of bringing in this hot shot male reporter guy who is quite opinionated, sarcastic, and brash, which the boss thought would be sure to raise the ratings even if it raised a few eyebrows from the viewers.
The young producer struggled to see the significance of this and fought the addition of this guy thinking it would be too much for the audience, yet she was forced to go out of her comfort zone and consider that something separate from what they had been doing could potentially be entertaining. When she had the conversation with her boss about how this could even possibly be seen as a positive he responded with “at least he has a point of view”. She was offended by this, and ultimately changed her tune by the end of the movie (of course… he was hot… hello). I could go on about the nuances of the movie, but what struck me was when the boss emphasized the importance of a point of view.
I encourage you to consider what this might mean for you. People will often say they don’t speak up in an effort to keep the peace or to please those around them. Yet, who is that really serving? I’m not suggesting you create drama or offend folks, however I do think there is something to be said for expressing your thoughts and feelings authentically in an effort to be at peace internally and to provide benefit to those around you. When you speak up it makes people around you think. This is what makes exchanges more interesting and effective.
You have a mind and a voice so use them. If you think something is wrong speak up. If you think something could be better do something about it. If you like something, let people know. Don’t just be a bystander in life, neutral in your environment or just go with the flow. Figure out where you stand on things and have healthy discussions with those around you and make this a habit in your life.
This is how change occurs. This is how confidence is built. This is how your voice is found. This does not involve brash, rude or those so called brutally honest remarks that are in most cases absolutely unnecessary. These choices will likely drive people further from you. One must be open to learning from the experience of speaking up and being able to take feedback appropriately as well. This is information that helps us to discover more quickly who it is we are supposed to be and to be in a position to better establish our values. It’s amazing when thoughts are just in your head they don’t have the same impact as when they come out of your mouth. They are safe in your head. Be brave and speak up!
What’s your point of view? Feel free to leave a comment on this post and practice it here! Anything you have a point of view about…. let er rip!
You are absolutely right! I know that I am often guilty of staying silence to keep the peace, but on the few occasions that I have spoken up, I find that others often join me. All they needed was someone to break the ice.
I have found that as I have grown older I do have a point of view! I used to be the meek and mild, peace keeper, never want to hurt anybody’s feelings kind of girl. As I have come in to my womanhood, and got rid of an abusive husband, I’ve been able to speak up more. I have found my voice. Yes, sometimes I’m not the most popular person in the conversation. However, I find being honest about my feelings or my point of view empowers me.
I have to be honest. I am still working on rebuilding my self esteem. I have issues with depression. I realized that I needed to do something constructive to make positive changes in my life. I was so used to being put down or being told I didn’t know what I was talking about. I tried being assertive, using “I” statements. I tried everything I knew to get my point across without falling back in to my old passive/aggressive self. I became so frustrated that I just crawled back in to my shell.
I rekindled a relationship with a fellow I went to high school with. He is in CA and I am in MO. As we began to get to know one another again, I realized that he had some pretty strong view points on certain issues. Some times he would say things to me, either on the phone or by email. I sometimes felt he was putting me down or that he thought he “knew it all”. In the past I would have allowed him to continue speaking to me in that manner. I was not going to let that happen to me again. As the article stated, I didn’t use harsh words or try to sound condescending. I also knew in my heart that if he responded negatively, then that was it. I wasn’t afraid of “losing” him. Well, surprise, surprise! He actually was willing to talk about it like an adult and he has in some instances, apologized! Sometimes we just agree to disagree! We have learned a lot more about each other this way. I’m not saying we haven’t had our arguments, because we certainly have. But it has been refreshing to find someone who I can practice my assertive skills with!
One of the things that I have found aggravating is when people who say they are “authentic” and say they are transparent, are actually very “self-centered”. I have a friend I’ve known almost 23 years. Whenever she had “man” issues or was feeling depressed, who do you think she called for a shoulder to cry on? As a matter of fact, I had 2 friends like that! One day I went to lunch with friend #1. I talked about some things that were going on in my life. The next day I received an email saying that the next time we got together she wanted more time to talk about her! She said I had spent too much time talking about my problems. Suffice to say, we are still friends, sort of. She doesn’t call me and I don’t call her, unless it’s getting close to a birthday or Christmas. Friend #2 and I don’t speak at all. Even though I held out the olive branch to her. The common denominator in both these relationships was me. I allowed these women to use me. I didn’t assert myself when I should have.
Having shared these examples, I want to say that I am so excited to be a part of this new community of women. I am also involved with a wonderful church family. I am seeing a counselor as well. I’ve come to the conclusion that once you start taking better care of yourself, you draw healthier people into your life.
Thank you for letting me rip one off! And thanks for all the hard work you have put in to your life coaching.
Yay ladies. I’m so proud of you for speaking up and doing it on here for all the world to see! Well… you know what I mean. It’s a step and it’s one you’ll remember taking the next time you feel that urge to keep quiet or the urge to speak up and you will definitely make the right choice. Rock on Ladies!! So happy to know you!